I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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