remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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