Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
