your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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