how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
