so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
