You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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