Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
