shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
