fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
