i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
