I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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