remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
