apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
