Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
