You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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