You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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