If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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