so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
