His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
