saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
