i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
