and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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