this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
