We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
