I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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