i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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