How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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