I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
