my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
