He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
