im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
