i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
