Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
