I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
