420 ftw
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
