her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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