Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
