he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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