this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
