Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
