We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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