I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
