i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This is the high leading the old right now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
