We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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