my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
