There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
