I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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