The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You're a waste of cheezeits
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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