Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
