New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
